I am SO intense. What are you?

Before I share my story, I want to ask, what messages have you been given about yourself? Think back to what parents may have told you, siblings, friends, partners, bosses, coworkers etc… What messages stand out? Notice and/or write as many that come to you without thinking about it, just let it flow.

You are SO:__________________________________________________________________

You are TOO:_________________________________________________________________

You are NOT:_________________________________________________________________

I am intense by nature. Not just kinda intense. I am SO FREAKIN’ INTENSE you wouldn’t even believe what I live with over here.

More and more I’m realizing how intense my intensity is and how it doesn't seem to fit into a bell curve of typical levels of intensity.

You may have already known this about me. But it was in my blind spot, like so many parts of myself were for decades. I knew something was different, butI wasn't sure what. That is until I was at a bar in Boston in my early 20s and someone brought it to my attention.

I was doing the typical uninspired and disconnected 20-something-goes-to-the-bar on Friday night routine, and a guy I was dating said in a judgemental tone and annoyed looking face,

“Julia, why are you just SO INTENSE?”

This caught me off guard. I was just being me. What does that mean? What did I do? And ugh, why am I like this?

I felt hurt. Like something about me that I didn’t even know was part of me was WRONG.

This feeling, this question, is there something wrong with me, was something that I felt consistently for most of my life.

I know many of you can relate to this feeling.

His words touched one of my core wounds: I don’t belong. There’s something fundamentally wrong and different about me that’s not ok.

“Julia, why are you just so intense?”

Now I know myself and learned to love myself and I can say “Yes, I am just so intense!” My energy is a bit different than the “norm” and I tried to hide it away, make myself different, less, and it just wouldn’t work.

He was right. Not cool that he used it as an attack but he saw in me something I hadn’t understood myself. My energy is just SO INTENSE.

Some people want to chit chat about a show they are watching and I want to talk about the root causes of suffering in our society.

My kids want to share about how much fun they had playing games in P.E. and I want to understand how their emotions flowed throughout each part of the day. Oh and how are those root chakras feeling today, kids?

People want to talk about their jobs for a bit. What they like, what they don’t like, coworkers etc..

I want to talk for HOURS about my love and passion for my client work in the healing arts and my vision for the future. Tears will flow freely. It’s just so beautiful, it’s gonna change people’s lives, change communities one at a time, I will tell them between sobs.

I am intense.

I‘ve been given the message that my energy is a bit much subtly and not so subtly over the course of my life. Even in recent years, even this past one, I admit to having moments when I’d ask myself how I can dial it down.

What about you? What have you been told you’re “too much” of or “not enough” of? What comes up for you when you reflect on this?

Here’s the exciting part. I no longer view my intensity as a deficit. His attack doesn’t sting, the memory of this moment of judgment became the muse for this story.

I own my intensity. I’ve learned to love it. Can’t do what I’m here to do without it.

You could say I’m too intense.OR you could say: I’m enthusiastic. I feel it all. I have fire. I have passion. I am bold and intense. I go ALL IN.

And yes, sometimes my intensity and my enthusiasm are misguided which leads to mistakes which are really those growth opportunities I’m here for.

They said you were_______________________________. What’s another way to reframe that for yourself? Maybe someone else didn’t appreciate this about you but maybe, just maybe, it’s a crucial component of you and one that is not meant to be hidden.

You are so incredibly______________________________________

You are uniquely_________________________________________

You are wonderful as you are. You are worthy.

Interestingly, a fellow student in one of my previous training programs told me in a judgmental tone and annoyed looking face,

“Julia, it just feels like you’re buzzing all the time.”

There it was again. Core wound activation.

She was clear my energy was TOO MUCH for her and she did not like this. Sure her words hurt my feelings and I felt self-conscious about my energy once again, but I worked with feelings as they flowed. I’m intense and apparently buzzy too. And that’s me. I have chill parts too. I flow. I surrender. I adore my work, my kids, people, the life I am creating, and I balance this with also doing nothing for hours every week without fail.

Perhaps I even do those things with intensity?! And who knows, maybe some buzzing along the way too?!

What’s your story? Those judgements from others, are you going to listen to them and let that make you feel small? Are you going to hide away crucial parts of yourself? Or is this actually one glorious aspect of yourself that isn’t to be dimmed or hidden but honored and CLAIMED?

I know for a fact you aren’t too much and you are enough. If anything I think we need MORE of you. The true you, the real deal, the imperfections, the seemingly conflicting parts. ALL OF YOU.

Are you owning your different?

One final thought about my intensity that I want to end with.

I love and care deeply and intensely.

In a world that can feel lonely to me at times, when so many are “too busy” I’m always here.

I’m not too busy for you. I want you to know and feel how important you are. I want to bring you my full presence each time we interact. I am intense about showing up. Not because I “should” but because it’s my true desire.

I will always believe in the power of connection. The power of truly showing up in relationships. I honor each interaction I have with you as sacred.

Lots of love to you. I hope you own it!

Julia